How to Escape a Close or Loud Talker

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Two types of people that annoy me are close talkers and loud talkers.  You know who they are in your life.  That one person that invades your personal space and the other who talks so damn loud you can’t hear what you are even thinking.

I’m convinced these people seek me out.  It’s like cats.  I am allergic and quite frankly terrified of them (maybe I just say I am allergic just so I don’t offend people), but yet, when at a friend’s home, the damn cats glue themselves to me.  Get the hell off of me.

One time, I was at a holiday party when a friend of a friend came up to me.  I had remembered meeting her briefly at another gathering but I apparently forgot she was a CLOSE talker.  She came barreling over to say hello like we were long lost friends.  I mean, I had met her once.  In slow motion, I saw her pushing her way through the crowd to come talk to me.  I took a few steps back thinking, shit, she’s like the person who disobeys the “don’t feed the animals” sign at the zoo.

She came two inches from my face.  I stepped back, she stepped forward. I stared at her red-stained teeth resembling burgundy curtains. There was no music to talk over.  I think she was screaming yet, I heard nothing.  My face said it all, but her social consciousness was absent.

I started to walk away to check out the cheese plate.  She followed me, so I went to the bathroom.  She was standing at the door when I came out.  Fuck me.

Since then, I have devised a plan of action that works for me.

  1. Get in their personal space.  The more you lean in, the more the close talker will back away.
  2. They get louder, you get quieter.  The person starts saying, “I can’t hear you.”  You reply, “I know, I am just trying to be respectful by keeping my voice down.”
  3. Get up and leave.  Seriously just walk away (ok, this is what I do).

How would you all handle this situation?  Clearly, I am not an expert in this matter.

xo- HBD Writer